


cold/mess

by oxidation



Series: stormy weather [1]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Angst, Dialogue Heavy, Inspired by Music, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Not Beta Read, cold/mess by Prateek Kuhad, songfic kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:48:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27249829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oxidation/pseuds/oxidation
Summary: Seonghwa and Hongjoong find themselves trapped in a house with no electricity and their actions have consequences.loosely inspired by Prateek Kuhad's cold/mess
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Series: stormy weather [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1989643
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	cold/mess

**Author's Note:**

> this is part 1 of 'stormy weather' but can be read on its own as well :]

Seonghwa woke up to the sound of rain slapping on his bedroom window. It was loud, relentless, frightening even but he wasn’t scared at all. He just felt a little uncomfortable. His unpleasant phone alarm had been silenced by the all-consuming sound of the rain and caused him to sleep through the sunrise. However, it could hardly be called a sunrise considering the sun was hidden the whole time. He glanced at the time on his phone, still half asleep and groaned. He wanted to go back to sleep. He clung to his quilt like a child to its mother. Unfortunately, it was bereft of warmth and made him feel worse. He tried holding onto it with greater passion but the frigidity pricked his warm skin through his pyjamas. Feeling fatigued by this betrayal, he yanked the quilt off of his body. He sat up straight and coughed out after taking a deep breath. His toes were squirming, begging for some heat.

He got out of bed. As soon as the sole of his feet touched the unfeeling tiles of his room, he yelped quietly. The floor was inhumanly cold. Nonetheless, he managed to make it to his bathroom.

  
  


Now changed and painfully awake, Seonghwa grabbed one of the paperbacks eating dust on his shelves. It was covered in a centimetre thick layer of dirt. He grabbed a lint roller to clean up the mess and spent fifteen minutes cleaning it, making sure no nook and cranny was dirty. Once he was done, he sat down in one of two armchairs in his living room. He tried sitting with his legs crossed at first but curled up in the chair after a while. He tried reading attentively but, the rain would knock on his window in peculiar patterns, distracting him bit by bit, gnawing at his psyche. He grew restless, and he couldn’t take it anymore. He sighed weakly and tried reading again. And again. And again. Even the simplest of sentences were starting to lose meaning. He shut his book momentarily with a finger to hold the page and took a deep breath. _It was fine,_ or so he told himself. He propped open the book in hopes of regaining sanity. However, a sharp, bully of a page didn’t let him do so. He winced in agony as he was assaulted for no fault of his own. He gave up. _It was not fine,_ he unwillingly admitted. He kept the book on the coffee table, leaving the page he was reading face down. He licked the line of blood emerging from his cut and held the finger in his mouth as he went to look for a band-aid.

He was cussing mentally for not stocking up on band-aids. As he did so, he heard the apartment door creak open. Feeling alarmed, Seonghwa grabbed a magazine lying close by and rolled it up, somewhat prepared to defend himself in case he was being robbed. He heard footsteps approaching and at the sight of a human, he threw the magazine at them. The human was his roommate Hongjoong. He froze as the magazine missed him by a hair. Seonghwa made an ‘O’ shape with his mouth, followed by an apologetic expression. Hongjoong raised his eyebrows. Seonghwa sighed in response. 

Hongjoong left the awkward space between their kitchen and living room. He took off his damp jacket as he walked away and stopped to hang it on the hook of his bedroom door. When he came out of his room, he saw Seonghwa stood right in front of him with his arms crossed.

“Why did you dog-ear my book?” Seonghwa asked.

Hongjoong was puzzled at first. He scoffed and said, “The way you had kept it would tear out the spine of the book. You should be thanking me for doing so.”

“Fuck the spine. Dog-earing books causes irreversible damage to them.”

“No, it does not!”

Seonghwa rolled his eyes and went to the kitchen in search of a band-aid.

Hongjoong approached the table on which Seonghwa’s book was kept. He had read the book before. In fact, he had gifted the book to Seonghwa. He had a copy of the same edition on his shelves too. The difference was, the pages of his book were coffee-coloured and marked with his observations in pencil, and it was dog-eared every other page. Seonghwa’s copy was as good as new, with a gentle crease along the spine and an awful dusty smell despite the lack of dust on it. He opened up the page that he had marked and unfolded the corners, trying to smooth out the wrinkled paper. He grabbed one of the bills lying on Seonghwa’s shelves to make for a pseudo-bookmark.

He stared at the bill for a second. It was a grocery bill. He hadn’t done groceries for about four months now. He felt guilty about not sharing his roommate’s workload when it was agreed upon that they would alternate in house chores. Hongjoong was not around most of the time. He spent hours cooped up in his studio. Occasionally, he would step out for inspiration. He was an Andy Warhol type; he thought of food as sustenance and a necessity rather than a source of comfort. He disliked that cooking could be time-consuming. Of course, he was better than having instant noodles, but not above having fruits for dinner. Why would he and why should he be responsible for groceries when he is hardly around? He tried to shake away the guilt but, it worsened when-

"Do you want coffee?" Seonghwa asked from the kitchen.

“Yes,” Hongjoong replied as he kept the book down. He went to the kitchen to help Seonghwa out with the coffee.

They mostly kept to themselves, not talking, not touching and certainly not looking at each other. The two just made coffee as they always did. They were rusty since they had not done this together in six and a half months or so. As the coffee prepared they would usually talk. That wasn't a possibility now. So Hongjoong just waited, staring at the French press, agonizing. Seonghwa was the same but, he would turn to Hongjoong for a moment and turn away quickly before his coy glances were noticed. They were just praying for the coffee to be done already.

  
  


"What are you thinking about, love?" Seonghwa asked from his seat. He stared at Hongjoong with a somewhat cheeky and loving gaze, who was curled up in the chair comfortably, looking at something on his phone. Hongjoong looked up, a little fazed by his unfamiliar expression. Seonghwa stiffened at the realization of what he had just said and pointed at his cup of coffee. Hongjoong nodded and drank some of it. He immediately regretted his decision because even if the coffee wasn’t scorching, it was too hot for his liking. Seonghwa smiled weakly at Hongjoong’s reaction. Hongjoong scowled at Seonghwa’s sadism. He waited for the coffee to cool down and blew over it. He did start drinking and took long, gentle sips, savouring it till the last drop. He kept the mug back onto the table and got up with a slight swing.

“I’ll be in my room,” he said.

“Why don’t you sit with me for a while?” Seonghwa asked, with a tender and forgotten lilt in his voice. 

Hongjoong hesitated but said, “Sure.”

He grabbed a pair of headphones to listen to music on his phone, and his bullet journal to map out the coming week. The bullet journal is just a fancy name for his notebook of messy time tables, reminders and ideas that come to him at odd times. He set everything down to begin. Seonghwa watched him while he drank coffee. By the time Hongjoong was done setting up, Seonghwa was done drinking, so he went to the kitchen with his cup. It didn’t take him long to come back and take Hongjoong’s empty cup on the window sill with him. He washed the cups in and out and kept them side by side in the cabinet. The two mugs looked cute when together; black and white with a cat and dog design on them. A little corny for their taste but it was a housewarming gift from a friend and they were in dire need of utensils one could drink from. He could only sigh at the sight.

“FUCK!” Hongjoong yelled from the living room.

Seonghwa hurried out and asked, “What happened?”

“My phone died.”

Seonghwa wanted to scold Hongjoong for his overreaction but he didn’t. He rubbed his temples and sat down in his chair. Hongjoong set his phone down to recharge it. The inactivity of his phone puzzled him.

“Seonghwa?” he hummed.

“Yeah?” Seonghwa responded from his seat.

“Is this charger broken?”

“I wouldn’t know, I don’t use it.”

“Can I borrow yours then?”

“Sure.”

“Thanks.” 

“No problem,” Seonghwa smiled.

Hongjoong waited for a response but Seonghwa had not noticed and picked up his book.

“So?” Hongjoong asked.

“So?” Seonghwa repeated.

“Where is your charger?”

“Ah, yes, right. It is on my nightstand.”

Hongjoong rushed to Seonghwa’s room. He felt strange. He found his room was bare, devoid of any personality. It sounds so bad to put it that way but it was true. He saw the charger lying on the nightstand, folded properly. _That’s so Seonghwa of him_ , he thought before picking it up. He left Seonghwa’s room and entered the living room, swinging the charger. As soon as Seonghwa noticed him, he said, “Don’t play with the charger.”

Hongjoong nodded and stopped at once. He connected the charger to the socket and then his phone. His phone was still off.

“There’s something wrong with yours too,” he said

Seonghwa looked up from his book and said, “Is the switch on?”

“Yes.”

“That’s odd then. Try another socket.”

Hongjoong did that and failed. He tried a third time and failed again. Something struck him and he decided to switch on the television. The television didn’t spark to life either. They had no electricity.

“Seonghwa we don’t have any electricity.”

“Oh? I see. I’ll get the torches and candles.”

“Candles are a fire hazard. Don’t get those. Just torches should be fine.”

“I’ll get them when it gets dark then.”

Hongjoong had given up on journaling for the day. He just wanted to sit and relax for the moment.

Seonghwa was engrossed in reading. Hongjoong admired that quality a lot; his ability to drown out everyone and everything when he did anything. Seonghwa was squirming visibly in his seat. He was wearing some of the flimsiest clothing Hongjoong had ever seen; a white t-shirt and black slacks.

“Are you cold?” Hongjoong asked in a small voice.

Seonghwa didn’t respond.

“Seonghwa, are you cold?” Hongjoong asked again but more audibly.

“Hmmm? I’m sorry I didn’t hear, could you repeat?” Seonghwa said.

“I asked whether you’re cold.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Let me get you a blanket.”

“But I said I’m not-”

Hongjoong had already left to get a blanket for him. Seonghwa appreciated the gesture but he would never say that. He latched onto the blanket when Hongjoong entered the room with it. Hongjoong was taken aback but not surprised. _So Seonghwa_.

"Seonghwa?" Hongjoong chimed again.

Seonghwa hummed weakly to let him know he was listening.

"Can I ask you something?" 

Seonghwa nodded.

"When will you be done reading?"

"I'm almost done. Why?"

"I'm a little bored and I do not want to work."

"I still have some empty pages in my colouring book. Would you enjoy colouring with me?"

"Sounds like a great way to kill time."

"Alright. It's on those shelves amongst the cookbooks and the colours are in the drawer underneath."

Hongjoong nodded and brought the supplies to the table. He felt like a child but he enjoyed it much more than he'd like to admit. Seonghwa set his book aside, with the grocery bill bookmark peeking out through the pages.

"Now, there are no rules when it comes to colours or techniques. However, there is a rule," Seonghwa said.

"Which is?"

"Don't colour outside the lines."

"You're so boring."

"Please!"

"Fine! I'll colour inside the lines or whatever."

The two sat down at opposite ends of the table and picked up a pencil of their choice. They began colouring. A problem arose within the first five seconds of them starting. The book was far too small for them to be sharing across a table that large. It seemed like a match of tug of war rather than a peaceful meditative colouring session.

"You know I don't bite, right? You can sit beside me," Hongjoong said.

Seonghwa groaned in defeat and shifted closer to him.

"I think this is still inconvenient. Scooch closer."

"I will." And so he did.

They were almost touching now. Seonghwa was covered by the blanket and yet he could still feel the warmth radiating off of Hongjoong’s body, who was shifting in place and trying to become more comfortable. As he did so, his toes touched Seonghwa's. A tingle ran down his spine and he shuddered. _It feels so warm?_ Moments after his foot left, the heat still lingered.

They fell silent. Weirdly enough, the two had the same idea: to silently colour without talking. And so they sat and coloured silently (and within the lines!).

Hongjoong being as mischievous as he is, decided to colour outside the lines, to see whether Seonghwa would notice it in his trance.

“I can see what you're doing and I do not condone this,” Seonghwa spoke out, exasperated with Hongjoong's bare bone efforts to colour within the lines.

“I am surprised that you noticed,” Hongjoong giggled.

“Of course I did! You weren't even trying to hide it,” Seonghwa responded.

“Now, as you can see, it looks so much cooler like this,” Hongjoong said as he held up the book in front of Seonghwa.

Seonghwa shook his head, eyes full of judgement and snatched the book from Hongjoong. He got up and kept it aside.

“We're not doing this.”

Hongjoong pulled Seonghwa down by the leg, causing him to fall coccyx first on the floor.

“Ow! Do you have any idea how much that hurt?”

“I'm sorry! I didn't expect you to just plop down like that.”

Seonghwa pouted.

“Hongjoong, I think you have something in your hair.” _Lie_.

“Oh really?” Hongjoong could see straight through his lies.

Seonghwa nods innocently, taking absolutely nothing out of his hair but taking the opportunity to lean in closer.

“There. It's gone now.”

“Is it?”

Seonghwa nodded.

“Oh come on. It's such a cliché. Did you think it would work on me?” Hongjoong smirked.

“Worked on me three years ago. Why wouldn't it work on you?” Seonghwa shot back cockily.

“I didn't say it didn't work. I said-”

“Give in and kiss me already!”

Hongjoong's eyes widened.

“Are you sure?”

Seonghwa nodded. He was so exasperated by his inability to take a hint and more importantly, he was eager and famished.

Hongjoong hesitated as he leaned in closer. His lips were ghosting on Seonghwa before he lost all inhibitions and crashed their lips together. His hands were lost and confused as to where to go. He ultimately placed them on Seonghwa's shoulders, trying to regain his balance. Seonghwa placed his hands on his neck to deepen the kiss. It was a familiar warmth that they both missed.

Seonghwa pulled away from the kiss to breathe. He pulled Hongjoong's shirt from his pants. Hongjoong whined weakly because of the sudden friction of his shirt being untucked. Seonghwa became far gentler as he unbuttoned his shirt. Hongjoong was flustered and as much as he wanted this, he was too dazed to help Seonghwa with his t-shirt. Their eyes were coloured with lust. Seonghwa's hair would fall forward, covering his eyes even if he tried pushing it back. Hongjoong decided to push his hair back with one hand while the other played with the waistband of Seonghwa's slacks and bucked his hips forward. He licked his lips. Hongjoong still drove Seonghwa insane with his gentle touches and his sensitivity to Seonghwa's bold and brash affections. Despite not being much larger than him, Seonghwa felt so big when he ditched unbuttoning the shirt and roamed his hands all over his body, under his shirt. Seonghwa could not stop staring at Hongjoong. His skin was so pink; it looked so pretty peeking out from underneath his black shirt.

They did not have the patience to savour the moment. All they wanted was the taste of the other's mouth and the heat of the other's body.

The lightning flashed and thunder boomed, startling Seonghwa. Things were not looking up for him considering how Hongjoong's phone began to ring after he calmed himself down. 

“Who is it?” he asked.

“Yunho.”

“Take the call.”

“It can wait.”

Hongjoong had his shirt unbuttoned halfway and began to do so further when his phone rang again. He sighed and rejected the call. Seonghwa was amused by his ability to devote himself to whatever (here, whoever) he was doing.

His phone rang for the third time. Seonghwa told him to pick it up.

“You don't mind?”

Seonghwa shook his head. Hongjoong mouthed thank you and left the room to attend the call.

Seonghwa collected himself and tried playing with his hair to give it the trendy messy chic look. Hongjoong was out before Seonghwa could even finish and he was embarrassed to be caught playing with hair like a teenager. However, it seemed as if Hongjoong hadn't noticed that at all. He was distracted.

“What did he have to say?”

“It was Mingi who had called. The two found some apartment listings for me.”

_Oh_?

“I had no idea you were still planning on moving out before the lease ended.”

“I am.”

“You're not moving out before the lease ends.”

“Of course I am. I just told you.”

“If you wanted to move out you would have done it six months ago.”

Hongjoong's jaw clenched.

“I could not move out in the past six months because there was not a place that I liked. This is not my fault.”

“It is never your fault, is it?”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Hongjoong raised his voice.

“Let's just say you never own up to anything or take responsibility for anything. Not your feelings, not your fears and you certainly never did that for me and our relationship.”

“We were talking about me moving out. How does our relationship, which ended six months ago, become a part of this?”

“Why are you like this?” Seonghwa exclaimed, almost jumping up from his place.

“Why are **you** like this?”

“I did nothing.”

“Please! You're the reason we can never work out.”

“Me? ME? I was the only one willing to work on this relationship when it was in shambles because of you!”

“You… you have always, always, always been inconsiderate, naïve and so damn selfish! And you have no respect for any boundaries I've ever set. You are hellish and difficult to live with. Need I say more?”

“I always put you before my own self. Inconsiderate and selfish on what fucking plane of existence Kim Hongjoong? AND NAÏVE? Just because you happen to be my first serious adult relationship, does not mean I know nothing about how this works! Also let's talk about boundaries now, since I never respected those. You would be holed up in your room for hours or gone working and I'd wait. You called me your muse or some casanova bullshit but you couldn't even hold my hand or look me in the eye when I came to visit you at work or took you out to lunch!”

Hongjoong sighed loudly.

“This is all so-”

“Exhausting?”

“Yes.”

“Well, that's how I felt every time you would refuse to open up to me. And when you would passive-aggressively speak to my friends. And when-”

“I GET IT! Stop.”

“Look, I do not hate you. Not in the least bit. I am still very much in love with you. I miss you. But goddamn I'd be lying if I said you were ever vulnerable in front of me.”

“I want to leave.”

Seonghwa could feel the beating of his heart grow stronger and it ached. He yearned for him. Unfortunately, he had no choice but to let him go.

“Then leave.”

“It's not that easy.”

Seonghwa was puzzled and heartbroken. He did not need false hope.

“Just go.”

“I wish I could leave you, my love, I do. But-”

“But what?”

“I'm a mess.”


End file.
